Today in the Hybridverse (or something like that)……
I’m going to review two movies for you guys today.
Both have been anticipated for many different reasons. One coming from a director that had a great hit but then got a flat tire and another one is from a long-running cartoon franchise that really needs to die at this point.
Oh, and no, I’m not talking about the Simpsons although that needs to die, too.
That’s right, it’s all about that Chappie and Spongebob: Sponge Out of Water.
First, let’s get things started with CHAPPiE.
In the near future, Indian born Deon Wilson (Dev Patel), is a high ranking executive in a Robotic Police Force company. When he comes up with an idea to make a self-conscious robot named Chappie to protect better, his higher-ups disapprove it. Nonetheless, he makes it and when the company finds out, scraps the robot. When 2 small time criminals planning a $200 million heist find Chappie, they kidnap Deon and force him to program Chappie to assist them in their heist. When power-corrupted military general Vincent (Hugh Jackman) finds out, he rallies all forces to stop Chappie, at any cost that leads to a monumental showdown between Good and Evil.
OK, I admit. I was looking forward to this movie and I put it on my most anticipated movies of 2015 list. We know Neill Blomkapp got him a hit in District 9 but no one felt the same way about Elysium (I personally didn’t hate it; It was just a ‘meh’ movie.) but now we’re wondering with this next movie he got if he can make a hit again like he did in 2009.
Well, so much for that because this movie was bad. I mean….this was just a BAD movie.
First things first, you know the whole scenario with Dev Patel bonding with Chappie, showing him human ways, bumping heads with Hugh Jackman and all that?? That happens but it gets overshadowed by the gangster subplot of these two (well, three if you count Amerika) gangsters that owe this guy that looks like something out of a Mad Max movie some money. The story is as unfocused with the wrong characters as you go in thinking this film might have some heart and it tries to make you care but it doesn’t. You’ll become irritated by this story and the characters and man, the characters were either flat, unlikable or cartoonish at a time.
Let’s start with Deon Wilson, he’s basically that nerdy milquetoast scientist that gets his ass either beat physically or verbally and that’s all that he is. There’s nothing else to say about this guy; he’s the maker of Chappie but there’s nothing else. I know Dev Patel is a decent actor but if this is all you give him, I’m not gonna care about this guy as an actor.
The military general Vincent is a cartoon villain and a whiny bitch at that. All the time, he talks about ‘Use my robot! Use my robot!’ and acts like a brat when Deon gets some credit for these droids. All that’s missing is a long-ass twirling mustache but wait….he has DAT MULLET!!! And if you think Hugh Jackman looks ridiculous like that, just wait until October….
The gangsters played by Die Antwoord aka Ninja & Yo-Landi Visser (and yes, they use their stage names as character names) and Amerika played by Jose Panto Cantillo…..why are they here? Most of the time when I’m watching this, I see Die Antwoord clothes, logos, lyrics and even their music plays in the movie a lot. You thought Sony does that shit too much? It’s like it wants to be a Die Antwoord music video and I listened to some of their songs; they’re alright but they aren’t actors at all and the way the film wants me to care about them in their moments and yet they show them doing the most coonish shit (I know they’re South African and white and Mexican, but it looks like that to me) and you expect me to give a shit about them? No. Fuck that!!
Oh, and if you expect me to say Chappie the main character was the best part…….Uh, no.
I think he started out good but after that, he was grating and annoying. He may start out as an innocent droid child (I did like the bond between him and Yo-Landi but that’s it) but then he grew up to become a bitchy, whiny, ass-hole of a teenager doing this shit out in the streets. I felt bad at some times but fuck this character the most.
All the performances weren’t that good and the worst being from Hugh Jackman and Sigourney Weaver as the script and dialogue felt stilted and awkward. One more thing, did anyone notices all the references to either Robocop, Short Circuit? Hell, even Appleseed!! (Yes, you still get an anime reference from me and even Blomkapp said it himself that Chappie was inspired by that.)
FINAL VERDICT: It got the visuals going for it but that’s about it. This is just unfocused to a fault on the wrong characters and plot and even if it did, it’s still a bad movie overall with its original intent. Hell, this movie might question why you like this guy in the first place.
I give my rating on that later on. Now…..ARE YOU READY KIDS??
“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET ON WITH THE SPONGEBOB REVIEW!!”
Fine then…….you spoiled motherfuckers. *gunshot* OW.
BUT I’M MAKING THIS SHORT!
During a fight between the Krusty Krab and Plankton, the secret formula disappears and all of Bikini Bottom goes into a terrible apocalypse. The Bikini Bottomites go crazy and they all believe that Spongebob and Plankton stole the secret formula as the two new teammates create a time machine to get the secret formula before it disappears.
You’re going to shock by this……..this wasn’t that bad.
No, really, this was actually decent.
Yeah, I was dreading this because I’m thinking why are they making another Spongebob movie? But then my dumbass forget that this show is still popular and going on since 19 fucking 99!! and it’s the only Nickelodeon animated show still on the air besides Fairly Oddparents that’s left (OK, maybe there are more Nickelodeon shows but I don’t watch that shit anymore so who cares?) and like The Simpsons, the quality of the show has gone downhill since the first movie came out.
On to the movie, I’ve gotten some few chuckles out of this here and some sequences that make you think if you taking acid or not. The movie retains some of the humor that the earliest seasons and some from their current run. The plot doesn’t feel as random as I thought it would be but it is all over the place+
Thankfully, the live-action/CGI parts doesn’t take over the movie as most people suspected. It’s all in the third act in the movie…just like the first movie!
The overall voice acting was fine but as for Antonio Banderas playing the pirate BurgerBeard, BeardBurger, whatever the fuck his name is…..I thought he was awful and felt like he was just mugging for the screen and all.
Another thing, Pharrell must love doing soundtracks for animated kids movies. First Despicable Me 1 and 2 and now Spongebob 2. OK, “Squeeze Me” was fine, liked “Patrick Star” but what the fuck was he thinking with “Sandy Squirrel?”
ONE MORE FUN FACT: That song Spongebob and Plankton did – “Teamwork”? Written by Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci aka Garfunkel and Oates.
FINAL VERDICT: While not a perfect movie but turned out to be tolerable than expected. It still doesn’t make me want to watch the show again but hey, it was OK and kids might like this with some adults. I wouldn’t watch this again any time soon.
CHAPPIE – 3/10– NOT FEELING THIS
SPONGEBOB: SPONGE OUT OF WATER –6/10– Low OKAY
There you go. 2 MOVIE REVIEWS in ONE!!
And now I….I’m just gonna go.
I’m MAK2.0 aka The Blue Hybrid— Wait, I meant….I Am Blue Hybrid. I Do Reviews. And Stories. Love Anime and Movies. But Fuck Chappie. Chappie make shitty movie. And he’s shitty, too.
Oh, and Spongebob lives….. for now.
SPONGEBOB: SPONGE OUT OF WATER – courtesy of Paramount Animation / Nickelodeon Movies
CHAPPIE – courtesy of Columbia Pictures / MRC