It is that time again at the near end of the year, where we reminisce about both the movies that brought us joy and comfort, and there is also the things that made us either cringe in anger, pain, confusion, and just straight up boredom. This is the latter, mainly because to get to the things that brings us excitement, we must go through the crap that just happens to be there but while they may be some great movies in 2013, there were just some very crappy movies that makes us more embarrassed that we saw it and the fact that it was made.
There might be a lot of comedies in here because I feel like while there were some good comedic films this year, some were just so awful and I happen to put them on here.
And remember, this is a list of the movies that I pick and only saw, as I haven’t seen all the movies released (I saw the majority of them), and that this is only my biased opinion on whatever movie I pick, so yeah. Now without further due, here are the Top 10 WORST MOVIES OF 2013, as picked by The Blue Hybrid.
10. TYLER PERRY PRESENTS: PEEPLES – courtesy of LIONSGATE
Yep, you thought I was going to pick either Temptation or Madea’s Christmas on the list? Yeah, I didn’t bother seeing those movies as I really don’t his direction or his writing but he did produced this movie while someone else wrote and directed this. Now with that said, even if the only thing he did was produced this, this movie still sucked. I mean, damn, you got a good talented cast of Craig Robinson, Kerry Washington, David Alan Grier & S. Epatha Merkerson but all this feels like a black version of those “Meet The Parents” movies, more or so, the sequels. It just felt so corny, cliché and I really just don’t give that much of a shit about these characters. If the director wanted to make a romantic comedy with African-Americans in the lead, don’t just be that. Try to be something worth watching which this is not.
9. IDENTITY THIEF – courtesy of UNIVERSAL PICTURES
I try to finish this movie when I was first watching it but eventually I did, however, I couldn’t bring myself to watch it again. My god, you think with Jason Bateman (who is quite the comedic actor) and Melissa McCarthy (who can be funny, mind you.), this would be a decent comedy but then, you wind up watching something centering on characters that you really despise and it tries to make you route for either of them. Really? Nah, really? I couldn’t take any more of this shit the first place and giving it another chance the second time around….all that matters is that I watched it and man, this movie was awful.
8. THE INCREDIBLE BURT WONDERSTONE – courtesy of NEW LINE CINEMA/WARNER BROS.
OK, I didn’t know Las Vegas Magicians still existed until I heard about this and results are there’s a reason why. Steve Carell is an asshole…..in this movie and not a likable one. I mean, he treats his partner like shit, almost everyone who works with him hates him, and he’s not even that good as a magician. Hell, Jim Carrey was more of a likable character than he was and Carrey being the Criss Angel-type magician, he was mostly douchey for the part but not as punch-in-the-face worthy as Carell’s character was. Also, I really hated that feeling in the movie where you basically dread of doing something you once have a passion for and it immediately becomes so mundane, you’ll hate yourself and everyone around you. Yeah, this movie really did not sit well with me.
7. R.I.P.D – courtesy of UNIVERSAL PICTURES
WE ARE THE MEN IN BLACK!! Wait, wrong movie. Then again, looking back at it, Men In Black III was actually more enjoyable than watching this croc. Yes, I know that this movie is based on a comic by the same name but I even sure that people who only saw the movie isn’t going to be bothered to read the damn thing. I didn’t feel any good or fun vibes or any interesting from that movie. Hell, I wanted to like Jeff Bridges in that role of him basically being Rooster Cogburn in the future but……there was nothing. I felt nothing and as for Ryan Reynolds…….well, ever since The Green Lantern debacle, it went nowhere from down (aside from being in animated projects; The Croods was fine but Turbo was more of a rental) for him. To be honest, I probably had some good expectations for this but now, this is just pure garbage.
6. THE LONE RANGER – courtesy of DISNEY / JERRY BRUCKHEIMER
The next two movies are going to be interchangeable because I felt both of these movies wasted my time, no matter how long it was. First, it’s The Lone Ranger. Talk about “Why did I see this fucking movie again?” For one thing, it’s really trying too hard to be another “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie since Bruckheimer is producing again (not the problem, mind you) but focusing on Johnny Depp most of the time when he’s not the TITLE CHARACTER!! He’s TONTO!!! Or Jack Sparrow being Tonto. That’s kind of the problem here and as for Armie Hammer, I legitimately felt sorry for him after this flopped because I know he’s tried to make a good performance but the character is….well, an idiot, and some of those action sequences are mostly weak, even that train sequence near the end was pretty crappy.
5. AFTER EARTH – courtesy of COLUMBIA PICTURES/SONY
And then there’s this pile of donkey shit, but then again, this is another M. Night Shamayalan movie and people already despise the guy at it is. I mean, for me? It was The Last Airbender that broke the camel’s back and while that is worse than this, this is still pretty crappy. For one thing, it’s not fully Shamayalan’s fault since Will Smith co-wrote this and yes, this is for him to push young Jaden Smith’s career up and while he was decent in the Karate Kid remake, he was horrible in this. It’s like watching a scared little puppy trying to be brave. Sure, it’s cute for a while but you got to stomp with the big dogs to be capable of being a good actor and for Will Smith? Once again, one of the most charismatic actor on screen is basically what he was in Seven Pounds only less miserable-sounding and more Shamayalan-type. Oi, let’s just move on to the next one…..NOW!
4. SCARY MOVIE 5 – courtesy of THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY / DIMENSION FILMS
How low (and unfunny) can the Scary Movie franchise go? Well, I saw A Haunted House this year and while that was bad, I rather watch that and the upcoming sequel than ever watch Scary Movie 5 ever again. You must be thinking, “Why in the fuck did you even bother watching this?” and yeah, I was curious to see how they are going to fu—I mean, do with this installment and while not being as bad as a Seltzerberg joint, this is still just as lazy as the previous Non-Wayans Bros. ones. Oh, and guys, the internet called, they said they already parodied Inception and Black Swan two years ago and to find some fresh jokes and to find out that Malcolm D. Lee (who directed Undercover Brother, a good parody movie which I’ll recommend to all of you) directed this, that was a fucking shame because I know he did better material than this.
3. MOVIE 43 – courtesy of RELATIVITY MEDIA
Oh shit……….this is that horrible movie that everyone has to see to know its existence and how bad it is. I just cringe at these horrible attempts of jokes, such as Hugh Jackman having balls on his face, The Halle Berry Guacamole boob joke, Liev Schrieber and Naomi Watts giving their kid the high school experience at home, The Chris Pratt/Anna Faris shit on her skitch, and the…..OK, you know what? They were all just unfunny SNL YouTube skits put on the big screen with some very well-known movie stars, just doing this for crackers. They were trying too hard to be offensive and going for shock value to amaze the audience but this…..wow, this is an experience, just one that you need to go into once and never, ever, ever (times infinity) go back.
2. GROWN UPS 2 – courtesy of COLUMBIA PICTURES / SONY
People actually want to see this movie. Yeah, I know, I can’t stop people from seeing it but this is so very far from being funny. Hell, not only this is just awful but it really is unnecessary. The first Grown Ups movie at least had a plot or something like it while it’s just the misadventures of Adam Sandler and friends doing mundane crap that no one gives a damn about with some of this sentimental crap that no one is buying from a movie that shows a deer pissing in Sandler’s mouth and also went to charge Taylor Lautner in the balls, although I could barely give a shit about the latter thing but yeah, it’s another Adam Sandler movie that only caters to the Happy Madison crowd…..also, you notice his ol’ friend Rob Schneider isn’t there and you think he made a good decision on that……….well………….
INAPPROPRIATE COMEDY –courtesy of FREESTYLE RELEASING
……….He actually did not. True, Grown Ups 2 and Movie 43 was pure shit but this movie…..this fucking movie right here….This could actually be worse than Movie 43 or almost the same, with the exception of them having an well-known ensemble cast and Adrien Brody being the only big name there and the parody he’s in being a gay version of Dirty Harry already worn out its joke the minute it started doing those cheesy gay jokes and then there’s Rob Schneider, Michelle Rodriguez, and some other guy that I don’t care to look info for in this porn review sketch where they review some of the freaky nasty disturbing porn and the way they review, the guy jizzes on how much you’d get a hard on from it. Then there’s the Amazing Racist, Blackass and Lindsay Lohan because…….of something. I don’t know nor do I give a fuck. This is actually worse than Movie 43 on account of how fucking boring it is than that one, trying too much to get shock value to appease the teenagers and little kiddies. This should’ve been something to be aired on Comedy Central on the 1 am slot instead of a theatrical release….and that was a small release, mind you. This is, hands-down, the worst movie of 2013.
But, before I end this, here are some dishonorable mentions that didn’t make the list, but man, they still pretty much suck:
EPIC – courtesy of 20th Century Fox & Blue Sky Studios
– 20th Century Fox and Blue Sky Studios, never ever falsely name your movie again because this movie was the opposite of Epic. Should’ve been called Mundane.
A HAUNTED HOUSE – courtesy of OPEN ROAD FILMS
– It’s no surprise. I knew it was going to be that typical Wayans Bros. movie but as bad this movie is, I didn’t feel like I hated myself for watching this and also there was worse parody movies released this year.
THE HANGOVER PART III – courtesy of WARNER BROS. / LEGENDARY PICTURES – The trilogy didn’t end with a bang but with “splick”. Same problems are still there as the last one although I didn’t completely cringe at this one, although I think they really hate animals and Black Doug……poor Black Doug.
THE FAMILY – courtesy of RELATIVITY MEDIA – Luc Besson, I’m sad for you. I wanted to like this movie but damn, this one was just so uninteresting and a letdown at that.
So, that is my pick for the worst movies of 2013. Let’s never talk about those movies ever again!!!
And instead for next time, we get to the best movies of 2013 because there have been some good shit that’s been released this year and until then, this is MAK2.0 aka Blue Hybrid, bringing all the elements in one format.