Original Date: December 28, 2012
Well, like I said, you can find the best stuff from this year and yet you can find the worst stuff but that’s just basic principle and being subjective to an extent. There was a lot of crap during the 2012 movie year and last year, I did a top 5 of these movies, mostly due to the fact that I haven’t seen that much bad movies that year but now, I’ve upped the ante with 10….that’s right…10 movies that I find to be completely crap and schlock. So, let’s not waste any more time and get it with The Hybrid’s Top 10 Worst Movies of 2012. Why Top 10? That’s the basic thing of making a top anything list that’s a top 5, 10, 20 or anything that’s divisible by 5.
10. Both Snow White movies (Mirror Mirror & Snow White and the Huntsman)
You know what? I really thought long and hard about this decision on which one of these movies to put on the list and you know what? Both these movies are crap with very different reasons. Mirror Mirror was really corny and devoid of anything humor throughout the movie and reeks of mugging and hamming it up to a umpteenth level. Snow White and The Huntsman may have great visuals to be amaze by but that was the only thing that had that movie going for it. Some performances like Charlize Theron was decent, although she was having a bit of fun, it was Kristen Stewart that brought the whole show down. Look, I don’t get the presence of how she’s a good actress because frankly she’s boring to be around and has the emotional range of corn of the cob and I would give the latter an Oscar. In short, both movies prove that even if one might be better than the other, both of you will still suck.
WOW!! Funny how the only exciting thing to happen to this movie was the Spill Audio review of it (A day we will live in infamy and laugh riots…and chaos). This was one of the most boring action movies I ever saw and Guy Pearce really don’t sell it as the bad-ass anti-hero and Maggie Grace really just gotten more uber-annoying than her usual self in movies. I’m pretty sure most of you forgot about this movie or just not give a damn about it. Hell, I forgot about it before I make this list. It’s just a ‘80s escape movie clone that needed to be….better.
8. Alex Cross
Well, producers, just because you can pick an actor that can sell more tickets for you doesn’t mean it will work out in the end. Tyler Perry just cannot do drama or even projects outside his own material. Most of the time, he can’t act in dramatic projects that was his own material. I sense nothing from his performance as the titular character like he’s supposed to be the black Sherlock Holmes. It’s unintentionally hilarious to make fun of, that’s the only positive thing but the acting, writing, direction, and action scenes are horrendous enough to put anyone involved in this on career watch, especially for Rob Cohen, whose directorial career has been going down the toilet since Stealth. I almost feel sorry for Perry and Cohen but still, this has got to be one of the biggest misfires for them and that’s just a damn shame.
You know rappers like Soujla Boi, Waka Flocka Flame & Lil B.? If you don’t, congratulations, you lived a leading life of not knowing mediocre terrible rappers than me and if you do, then this movie would be the equivalent to that. It’s about as gritty and tough as My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic…but then again, MLP:FiM is actually more tough than this movie and I couldn’t give less of a shit about anyone in this movie. I’m supposed to care about these two guys rescuing their girlfriend (yes, their girlfriend meaning they both sex her up.)? The HELL!! Everything about that movie is fake especially that travesty of an ending. No wonder Oliver Stone is in a slump.
6. That’s My Boy
This year, both this and Rock of Ages were released on the same weekend as this year SpillDotCon and yet both these movies flopped hard. *heh heh*. Thankfully, I never will see Rock of Ages (:op) but I did see That’s My Boy and wow, that movie was horrible and so lame with the same Adam Sandler jokes and standards with added in incest and statutory rape that even some fans are getting turned off, mainly because of Jack and Jill last year and yet, Sandler wasn’t even the worst part of the movie. Andy Samberg, somebody who’s actually funny to me, was such a little whining milquetoast bitch of a man in this movie and I only feel empathy because I hate them both equally. Hopefully, Hotel Transylvania did seem to redeem Sandler and Samberg a little (Like the movie but not actually on my top 10 best.) but this movie is still a staple in Sandler’s dwindling career in comedy.
5. This Means War
“Of course you know, this means war!!” Yeah, some people may like this movie a little and good for them because I really hated this movie. I don’t know if it either wants to be a romantic comedy with a bit o’ action or vice versa and yet some of it wasn’t funny and the action is left little to be desired. I felt so bad for Tom Hardy and how he ended up in the film and makes me wish he would bitch-slapped Chris Pine with his douchey appearance that just irks with me and as for Reese Witherspoon, her and Chelsea Handler are the most annoying female characters in this movie, even more shrewish than—wait, no, nobody is more shrewish than that actress. In closing, This Means War was just an irritating and messy film.
4. The Lorax
“I’m The Lorax and I speak for the trees”. Wow, what idiot would want to use this catchphrase and make it to resemble it for his terms? *Crickets* (Why did I ever use that catchphrase?) But, seriously, this has got to be the worst animated movies to be made from Illumination Entertainment (and I haven’t seen Hop and never will) but the second worst Dr. Seuss adaptation. I get the message of a cleaner Earth since I like clean air and to live longer with that but seriously, the annoying musical numbers, the twisting storyline, and some side story with some kid trying to get a tree so some girl would kiss him? *Here’s your tree. Now drop them drawers.* No, not like that but might as well have been. If you want to make a message about a cleaner Earth, at least make me more subtle than that.
3. A Thousand Words
Eddie Murphy must be going through some hard times, even though Tower Heist was actually decent, but this movie brought him back into that territory of being in bad movies and this one was no exception. Seeing Eddie Murphy not talking but just miming his act and mugging all the way in the length of this movie doesn’t make it funny to anyone to watch and you can tell this movie has been in the shelves of Paramount’s vault since 2008 because this is all outdated and corny. I’ve never seen such an horrible comedy from Eddie Murphy…but saying that would be a lie.
2. Project X
You know why I hate the words “SWAG”, “YOLO”, most of recent MTV programming and most douchebags overall? Well, this movie is part of the damn answer. Fuckin’ hell, I hated this piece of shit film trying to be a found footage party film, like it’s the answer to Animal House and Superbad, even though those movies are cult classics and this is just a cash-in for aforementioned type of movie. It may look like you want to party with these people and it looks like fun, but it’s just them having fun and you watching them having fun, leaving you left out. Maybe I’m not a big party guy but I wouldn’t want to party with these people, especially Costa, who I just hated from the moment he appeared on-screen. It’s also a shame that Michael Bacall, who wrote Scott Pilgrim vs. The World & 21 Jump Street, was involved in the writing of this. But, yes, I genuinely hated Project X. Now if I hated it so much, why it is on #2? Well……….
You know you’re in deep shit when an idea for a blockbuster summer movie is based off a board game that has no plot, story, characters and yet they decide to make it into a generic alien invasion movie with charisma-less characters and no sense of fun thrown in. Taylor Kitsch is in fact the fuck-up in 2012, as he been in two horrible movies this year and one that was decent but ended up losing a lot of dough and fortunately, this one did, too. Also, your usage of Liam Neeson was wasted!! If you have Liam Neeson in your movie, he should be active in something for our enjoyment. I know I heard that Taken 2 was lame, but at least, Neeson was used to his full advantage. This movie is basically a rehash of the Transformers’ live-action movies but some Michael Bay-isms without Bay and yet he can still make a better Transformers movie than what Peter Burg put on the map. So, overall, Battleship is the worst movie of 2012 and I hope that Hasbro doesn’t make the same mistake again when G.I. Joe 2 comes in theaters…..when it should’ve did 7 months ago. Yeah, I’m still pissed about that!!
Well, that is enough anger for one day. Coming up, the movies of 2012 that I actually enjoy!!!
Until then, this is MAK2.0 aka The Hybrid, bringing all the elements in one format.
THE MIND OF THE HYBRID ONE – my Tumblr site.
MIRROR MIRROR – courtesy of Relativity Media
SNOW WHITE & THE HUNTSMAN, SAVAGES, THE LORAX & BATTLESHIP – courtesy of Universal Pictures
LOCKOUT – courtesy of FilmDistrict
ALEX CROSS – courtesy of Summit Entertainment/Lionsgate
THAT’S MY BOY – courtesy of Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc.
THIS MEANS WAR – courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox
A THOUSAND WORDS – courtesy of Dreamworks Pictures/Paramount Pictures
PROJECT X – courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures.